Tuesday, May 12, 2015

波女

暴雨過後晨光柔和金亮,窗外靜靜的海水微波粼粼,波光由暗及明:由青藍、淡藍、群青調藍、群青、青藍調綠、淡藍加赭組成,平靜得令人不想上班。但我還是做了早餐、游了水、然後上班。早上充滿神秘的力量,讓我有原諒和讚美自己的能力,亦給予我們力量去做夢及自己安慰。
一邊游水,一邊想音樂的問題,最後選了三首最喜歡的歌 - 最愛的魚歌 (1) I don't want to live on the moon (2)黃靖 - Little Girl; (3) 張懸 - 寶貝。妹妹說這是白羊座的選擇:無論世界多殘酷,總是如小女孩般充滿希望和純真。
邊游水,邊想起星期天下午的顏色,是一種獨特的陽光。遠處大東山一片淡紫羅蘭色,山上點點檸檬般淡綠,太陽在淡藍灰白的大海上染上桔黃桔紅。我們焗了芝士翠玉瓜挪威三文魚飯給波女吃,而我則有最喜歡的茸茸和西蘭花。波女畫了一條帆船、兩個人和一條魚,我則寫了一封信。
 
近日游泳後常用草地旁的澡室,貪它不用排隊(早上泳池好熱鬧)。沐澡中途卻發現澡室中還有一條小壁虎和一隻核突蟲。住了赤柱馬田宿舍多年的我,加上平日偵探工作的鍛鍊,雖然覺得不自在但尚且能跟他們洗完一個澡,只是,那條小壁虎好像因為泡到我的洗頭水,而漸漸失去知覺! 雖然平日覺得打死蟑螂等事情理所當然,當下卻有點不安,再次令我想起人類的霸道,我們建設柏油公路、雲石澡室,把其他生命的家夷為平地,把世界變成一片冰冷又缺乏生命力的空間,漸漸容不下其他生物(甚至自己)。
"At other times the sky is red, at other times a tone that’s extremely delicate, neutral, still pale lemon but neutralized by delicate lilac. I have an evening effect of a pine again against pink and green-yellow." - Vincent To Theo van Gogh. Saint-Rémy-de-Provence, on or about Thursday, 19 December 1889.
"Recently, a friend posed a question: If there were a pill I could take that would instantly cure me, would I take it? The poet Rainer Maria Rilke was offered psychoanalysis. He declined, saying, "Don't take my devils away, because my angels may flee too." My psychosis, on the other hand, is a waking nightmare in which my devils are so terrifying that all my angels have already fled. So would I take the pill? In an instant. That said, I don't wish to be seen as regretting the life I could have had if I'd not been mentally ill, nor am I asking anyone for their pity. What I rather wish to say is that the humanity we all share is more important than the mental illness we may not. What those of us who suffer with mental illness want is what everybody wants: in the words of Sigmund Freud, "to work and to love." -Elyn Saks: A tale of mental illness -- from the inside
Lessons from the Mental Hospital: Glennon Doyle Melton 

 

1 comment:

K. said...

波女畫得好不簡單