做夢

二零一九年七月三十一日，有四十四名示威者因為七月二十八日晚上在中環及上環一帶示威被捕，今日上裁判法院，最年輕的只有十六歲。其中一對情侶當時正在幫助一跌倒的女人，亦被拘捕並控以暴動罪。
而在一星期前，元朗一大批懷疑有黑幫背景，穿着白衣的人士，持刀及竹枝在地鐵站裏無差別打人，卻仍未有人被起訴。當晚全港市民打電話要求警員到場制止白衣人，但警察足足遲了三十九分鐘才到場。

今晚我們討論到香港現行的法治仍能保護我們嗎？ 

大家都說已經崩壞了，N說「你要警察拉到人，法庭先有得審，警察無拉白衫人，法庭都無辦法彰顯法治。」

以前最多擔心被捉回去四十八小時,現在可能真係會坐監。千祈不要以為我們沒有想過。

我認識一些人輕朋友，例如來LAP做intern 的小朋友，感覺有點串，做animal shelter 其實幾辛苦，要不停執屎，佢哋有時會黑面。但其實他們十分好心地，我跟他們一直有聯絡, 當時我還未收養Rosie, 她自己都沒有想過自己會成為前線的前線，（被人以pepper spray 當面噴）我識唔止一個所謂小朋友，自己都無諗過自己會走到最前的.....
佢哋在自己instagram 都瘋狂求大人罷工，當然無乜太多大人follow佢哋個ig. 未被世界污染的年青人，雖然好似好串，總係未瞓醒咁樣，會唔準時，但心地很好。 
我諗，唯有記住，要保存一夥有希望的心，作最壞的準備，盡力，可以失望不能絕望，及記住自己有可能幫到嘅嘢，唔好因為覺得乜都做唔到而成為犬儒，及記住路很漫長，不會一天成功的。
仲有一個小妹妹 我一直翻譯新聞俾佢聽，雖然她是在港長大的少數族裔，但不懂廣東話，正在讀大學，不是會問我發生了什麼事，「我不知道昨晚又發生了事呀」。
她剛告訴我 "Tomorrow will be my second supply drop! Dropping off some clothes and medical supplies, mostly gauze and bandages" 無論佢嘅supply係有用定無用，我都感動到嘁。她告訴我，不是因為你，我不會知道這一切。
H: 係，我最怕既係今次一完，無係咩结果，會有好大反差，完全死寂
Me: just like 佔中2.0 唔使怕 一定會
W: 唔駛怕 一定會？
Ms Maoo: of course, that's what i feel. but will still keep trying, 唔一定係見到希望才做。 我覺得只係漫漫長路一部份。但世上沒有什麼是絕對不能動搖的。

十年

面對香港當下的局勢，所有人也好疲倦。但對我本人來說，知道這無論如何都將會是一段好長好長的抗爭，其實也是安慰 - 不要為一時的失敗而絕望。美術館的十周年慶典既盛大又溫暖。遇見一些九年來沒有見過的朋友。那晚有十一個客人住在冬話家中，在大雨聲下塌塌米地上睡覺，天氣好熱，沒有冷氣，跟大自然很接近；起床一起談天刷牙吃早餐，就是越後妻有最core的精神了。

除了以前這麼多年的義工，也有其他有名的藝術家，兒童書出版社，Art Front 的Director 等到來祝賀和參與； 當然不少得最重要的- 鉢村村民！認識了很多不同人，為什麼他們總令人感到如此受寵，感覺這些人都不是裝的，總讓我覺得自己好幸運。明明我實在是好多不足的一個人。好像現在的Art Front Director, 近年第二次見到她，她兩次都說一直都好喜歡我畫的畫。其他田島先生的美術家朋友都是很有名很上手的創作人，但都會過來跟我這個後輩談天，假如我是一個日本人，在禮節上我該是負分的。但他們總是對我好包容，很愛戴。

 

下圖中嗰舊好似屎咁嘅包，其實是在裝鰻魚呀。在日本盛夏中，每年也有這一天大家要食鰻魚的日子，話說食咗會強身健體； 但十日町竟然有人做了鰻魚型的包。有腳的屎。

由於當時講緊冬甩店先生隻新貓叫乜名，所以我就提議unagi. 佢話佢已經諗住叫佢做E'Clair, 我話唔緊要，我隻貓都好多個名。所以最後佢話咁佢隻貓可以叫做 米山. Eclair. Unagi 

佢話鍾意大自然嘅人一定會喜歡佐渡島，海好靚，樹好高大，還有好多星星。

話說有個歌手常常同我哋美術館合作的。大家都好鍾意佢把聲，同埋佢比較出名，是真正的表演者，其中一個artist assistant 好鍾意佢。
但其實 我哋條村九歲冬話妹妹個媽咪 都係唱歌的，唱歌好好聽，我都好鍾意，民歌歌手類，歌聲擁有溫柔的力量。那天冬甩店主食早餐時，好認真咁同冬話媽媽私下講，話雖然好多人鍾意另外嗰個人把聲，但我覺得你把聲真係令人感動。 好像從心底給人的祝福，就算係新潟大雪的底下都依然是閃閃發光的。 冬話媽媽好感動，說我要哭了，佢都幾易喊的。

We all feel so frustrated and exhausted in face of the miserable things that has been happening in the city we love and call home. To me, in a way, knowing that this will be a very very long fight is in a way a comfort, it's a good reminder that small failure doesn't and shouldn't mean ultimate failure, and even though it seems miserable, but there must also be awakening in many people's heart. 

I decided to go back for the museum's tenth anniversary big event last minute, it's one of the most beautiful thing that I have witnessed in the past decade, slow, gentle, and real community work, with art as a medium.

Met many old friends some whom I haven't seen for 9 years, 11 of us stayed at our beloved little towa's home, we slept under heavy rain in hot rooms without aircon, annd woke up to make breakfast and brush teeth together surrounded by nature, this is the core of what Echigo Tsumari Art Triennnial is to me.
Apart from volunteers, staffs from the past decade, many famous artist friends, picturebook publishers, the festival's founder and coordinator came, of course last but most important - the VILLAGERS!!
I wonder why they always make people feel so loved, and you can feel that they are not being polite, it made me feel so lucky always. I can causally count out so many shortcomings of myself, but they still gave me so much love and opportunity. And even famous artists came and chat with me and told me they liked my work (ok this must be just polite) and the Current Art Front Director whom i met twice in recent years, both times said she REALLY remembered me since years ago, and had always loved my work...
If I live in Japan, I think i'd score negative in manners... but they still tolerated me all this time.

芒果

DEAR POSTMAN TREE!
舊灣仔郵政局後的芒果樹
哎吖，我跟你不都是郵差嗎？ 聽說，這家郵局初建時 你已經在這裹，即是1912/13 年左右開始一直都在啊！ 以前有一段日子差不多每天都會坐雙層巴士經過皇后大道東，一路上有好多棵樹從大樓狹縫間探頭出來揮手的樣子。 我猜並不是一個好住的地方啊，不過，看起來十分之可愛，而我特別喜歡這些彷彿從小建築物頭頂長出來的大樹，你就是其中一棵了。

聽舊街坊說你樹上長出來的芒果好酸的啊，是真的嗎，我也想試吓。 在開埠初期，灣仔（當時叫做下環）的海岸線就在皇后大道東和灣仔道，以前門前就是海，現在就只有望車河了。 我看過一個都市傳說話六十年代的灣仔居民，曾經見過有一個發青光眼的「鬼郵差」深夜出沒送信。 而且信封上都係有名有地址的，收信嘅人拆開信只有一張白紙，然後就會在七天內死去！oh 不就是Death Note 嗎！？ 最後要請大師來「解決」問題。 咁多年了，就只有芒果樹先生你知道這件事係唔係真喇！ 話我知please! Love, 貓小姐

仙女

You know how i used to work in Hong Kong's one and only architectural conservation specialist office (i wanted to write clinic, because our job was a lot like being an old-building-doctor)

I was like an assistant to a few very serious and inspiring ladies, a conservation architect, a historian and the architectural historian. I loved my job a lot, spent four years there, learnt so much those days, participated in many big and small restoration projects. They were real serious people, takes every single millimetre of tiles, and every single traces of word carefully. 我哋爬過好多屋頂、在悶熱的舊樓中一邊做紀錄一邊與昆蟲為伍、跟彷彿被世界遺忘的屋主在炎夏中做口述歷史、走在樹林荒廢的道路、走進滿是蝙蝠老鼠的洞穴，在別人三十年代老房子中吃午餐，一面畫低每塊䃈磚。

Those skills and resources has been so useful for me when illustrating maps since then, in fact, I think I started illustrating HK maps at that time, because I wanted to piece the history back together. It's possible to find out how a whole vanished street used to look like through old pictures, aerial photos, old letters, Public Record office's documents, gai fong's words, and books etc. Among those things, my favourite was (all) 19th century travel books :P Trying to re-organise the thousand of pictures/maps/aerial photos I collected of my own dear district for little miss S, is, like a black hole for me haha, indulgent like ice-cream. Wish we could lay them out in an interesting way, and show everyone, one day. Project 193840...... it's so beautiful and local history worth knowing. 如果今早我是約了 @panda_heidi 一起去PRO 一定開心到飛起。 This is love.

 1924 年的telegraphy bay, 即係我屋企啦，同埋我望到對面沙宣道呢個山 我搵到幾張相係不同角度影呢度，有張我未見過 我感覺今次「出海收獲大滿了」

呢個係我屋企望出去見到的那座矮房子，下面係鋼線灣村，我日日跑步經過的那個山谷，現在弘立嗰間學校的位置，我成日跑域多利道經過都會影吓。

1948 一直都有條盟渠呀。

無論找什麼區，heidi大概都會話：「哦 你搵呢度」她都會找到好多好多東西給我。

我份舊工好似係仙女的助手。

我木棉樹個編輯都係仙氣的 好多好多訪問都咁形容佢，有次我閒談中發現佢好憎，唔係（淨係）靚女 or not 佢話報紙寫嗰個根本唔係我，我都唔係咁，點解啲人會寫到我咁，佢話因此佢無share 好多訪問，我話你係咁喎.....

上次蘋果個記者同編輯做專訪前都同我傾咗一陣，佢話雅文想「落地」一點 肯定雅文prep talk 咗佢.... 我諗佢嘅仙氣只不過係來自 - 佢做緊一樣普通香港人根本無諗過會做到嘅嘢- 二十年。

從樓梯底個office 開始，但佢自己「唔覺得係乜..... 」 ..... that's what her 仙氣 is all about.

人哋覺得佢做嘅嘢簡直唔正常，同點解唔會欠下一身債佢只係覺得「我做得不夠好」「要努力點」

木棉

小讀者活動 【木棉花開花落：一期雜誌的誕生，一本雜誌的終結】
你知嘛，我真的是好喜歡閱讀的。
年輕時去日本北京工作，會買五十七十本書。
以前在中大工作，辦公室對面有間書店，要是沒有Heidi 把我拉出來，不時花一兩小時都不知道。
所以在木棉樹活動中，覺得從小朋友身上看見自己一點影子 。因為出版社有好多書，出席活動的小朋友和我，有時不僅拿起一本書，就停不了手。小朋友的家長都說，他們一拿起書就好像聽不見世上其他事！
另外，有個家長跟我說，小朋友近日跟媽媽說很忙，問他忙什麼，他說跟幾個朋友正在一起做一本書！要趕稿及畫畫。我小時候也在家裹做好多好多書的！
有家長說仔女會把木棉樹雜誌翻看好多好多次。
我和妹妹小時候都會好期待學校派發新一期雜誌！
有一個男孩子在活動完了之後在角落一直不願走，小聲地問：雜誌真的要結束嗎？
做雜誌真的好辛苦，她們團隊得幾個人，一本書這麼多字要校對。但雜誌好能夠跟讀者們聯繫，也有好多小孩子每月投稿。
我讀小學時，木棉樹仍在一個樓梯底出版，另外封底的地址是編輯木棉樹姐姐的屋企地址！
好多小朋友最喜歡有禮物玩的專欄，我們說不怕，將來不出雜誌，還會出繪本和書，有孩子舉手問可不可以將來keep 住遊戲的那個部份(在每本書後面）。

我跟朋友韋小姐說： （....) 我就好慶幸有你 這些同樣愛讀書的朋友，睇書真的很好。係好好開闊眼界，同埋培養同埋心的方法 同埋讓我們知道世上有好多方式看同一件事。
她說： 係呀 寫作都好好 呢幾日我開始或自己寫作。然後揀到好書感覺真係中獎咁。
我說：對啊。睇書可以安坐家中 travel the world 及記起世界之大
她說: 同埋好荀  人哋嘅心血結晶 垂手可得 XD
我說： 真係可以係幾十年的心血
綠腳丫（那個有好多社區活動，培養家長lead 讀書會等等，以繪本為中心認識世界的社群）的slogan 係讓每個小朋友都可以讀到好書之類，我覺得好好。
當然我工作中(talks esp) 會常常遇到好多家長，我成日都覺得instilling love of learning & love for books, is something that's 一生受用，滋養心靈。

Kenny’s holding the first edition of cotton tree magazine on his left hand, from 20 years ago; and a copy with my illustration as cover, from a year ago.
今日會去呢個活動，好緊張呀（你知啦 我從來唔緊張㗎嘛）因為除了自己畫和寫的繪本「最後的告別」我也是讀木棉樹長大的。
最重要是她們真的好認真，也培養了好多孩子對文學的愛。 
木棉樹係我哋香港最珍貴嘅出版社來的。
不少讀者在「木棉樹」Facebook專頁留言，當年的小讀者今已成為大朋友，對停刊感到可惜，以及多謝雜誌給予的美好閱讀時光，「感謝木棉樹陪我走過我的小學時光」、「多謝妳們的殷勤努力，孩子有機會閱讀高質素的文章」、「謝謝帶給學生美好的閱讀世界，終身受用的文學薰陶」。
《木棉樹》在專頁叫讀者們不用擔心，義務市場推廣總監表示，「雜誌停刊後，可以更專注繪本出版。在全球暖化的環境下，木棉樹仍將努力，繼續年年開花！」
 人生，總是見證著一場場的花開花落。 木棉花開有時，木棉花落也有時。 陪著香港孩子走了20年的「木棉樹」在本年6月號後永久停刊。 雖有不捨，仍可以來一場帶笑的送別。 我們特邀請10位「木棉樹」小讀書見證這個歷史時刻， 於5月13日舉辦走訪出版社活動，讓雜誌主編、插畫家與小讀者面對面， 分享一期雜誌的創作出版過程，要走完多少步？ 作家、編輯、插畫家、美術排版怎樣分工合作？ 還有各欄目的創作故事。 然後於5月18日走訪印刷廠，見證一本雜誌或圖書的印刷成書。

漣漪

IT TAKES A WHOLE VILLAGE🥦🥬 After finishing all the exhibition set up, I still got a huge task from yoshiko-san, she has been making little books since the first day I knew her a decade ago, and she prints and sell them. Most of the time with me she’s cute, and sometimes drunk but she’s actually someone who works VERY HARD, and has so much social mission, to make the world a better place. She drafted me a whole book to illustrate, about the exhibition and my dear tree mailbox. She’s someone I respect a lot so I 乖乖努力畫同寫囉 I love what my little assistant Stephanie wrote about the strange-shaped people too: 這個星期盛載著滿滿的驚喜 因為完全沒有做功課 連天氣如此冷也沒有準備 也好 每天總是充滿著突然 然後就跟著走 展覽的模樣 自己的作用 住的環境 每天的行程(包括每日的温泉！) 也是發生前一秒才知道的 最喜歡的驚喜 是原來有每天相對的團隊 大家住進同一個地方 在美術館不斷擦身而過 然後共進早午晚三餐 突然間就變成群體生活 姨姨伯伯們總是熱鬧的 比我有多好倍精力好厲害 每晚總是大吃大喝聊天到好晚 奇形怪狀的一伙人 每個都好不一樣又隱藏著好多秘技 每天晚上心裏面總是期待今晚的菜式 我大部分時間都聽不懂又不會說 努力地食呀飲呀跟著他們大笑也就渡過了三個小時好瘋狂 大家都覺得我是很會吃很會喝很會睡的小朋友 永遠在工作又仁慈的田島先生 總是疲累寡言卻相當可愛好想出版zine的助手 好大反應經常憂慮照顧我們飲食的姨姨 好愛表演會爬樹滿滿的閱歷40年前來過香港的有型叔叔和他的年輕實習生 乖巧又時常載我們到温泉很會吃的村長的兒子 社交超奇怪作品賣得超昂貴在美術館咖啡店工作的呀姨 兼任幼稚園校長及歌手的流水先生 以及超仁慈只有一晚之緣的三位旅行達人 旅遊嘛。

トラ

ON ANIMAL RESCUE
 There’s a page in the little book we’re making, that's about animal rescue, probably because one of the book i am exhibiting is on this topic. i wrote the text of that section this morning, and sent it over saying “Help! it's too long, please help me edit” And she quickly replied that “the animal rescue work you do is very important, i cannot edit it any shorter”

 The little book is bilingual, on dear tree, animal rescue, our past ten years in the village, the museum and art. . One summer, when I just finished illustrating "The Little Tiger-cat Stylist Workshop" and finalising the bereavement picturebook that features a tiger as main character, I received a call asking if I could foster two kittens.

 I didn't know what it's about, but they badly needed help, typhoon was approaching, and if nobody took care of them, theyd die for sure, as they are already very weak, and drenched in rainwater. That call changed my life. I have always loved animals, encountering my beautiful little kitten - my own little tiger - opened me to a new page of animal rescuing. Since then, I started volunteering for a local animal shelter, @lap.org.hk , it is a 100% volunteer charity, no single person is paid. We run many programs, and has two centres that are opened 365 days. In our modern world, many animals are still caught and killed every day, our cities are no longer safe for them to live. And with so much intelligence, we only managed to decide to kill them. WORST still, many people still purchase animals from pet shop, they came from cruel illegal breeders, later on I adopted my dog Rosie, who spent her WHOLE life in a small filthy cage, forced to make babies, her babies were taken away to be sold at shops, leaving her with a weak, broken body, these are not single cases, we see them almost every single month, dogs come to us with broken legs, covered in fleas and skin problems, injected with hormones so they'd keep having more babies. These are the mothers and fathers of the cute animals you see in the shop. Even though they are older, but when you look at their eyes, you know their lives are worth saving.