Thursday, September 18, 2008

Stanley and Pavlova

Can't believe that this is my last night in HK already, last night sleeping my in my bed at home. Being pampered, and getting to swim, to see dogs.... We had dinner in Stanley tonight, I felt like we are people from "Martial arts(?) novels" the last time we were here. It was nice. Stanley is not just pretty, but special. (of course). Then I had Pavlova with WWS, it was reli great as well, especially our chats. "You always remind me of something I have forgotten or something I have given up" I wonder what that is? Perhaps that's true for me too. Spring and Autumn are amazing seasons, they are seasons of "changes", and it would feel even more significant when I am back in Edinburgh. 
Ha, usually I feel positive when I am about to leave, as it's anticipated, for a long time, and I am well prepared psychologically, but when it comes to reality, when I realize that I am actually alone, I regret for being strong, feeling falsely positive - that's not true, not falsely, it's just that moment, when I didn't remember that feeling of actually leaving yet. Three months, as short as it sounds like, always end up feeling long. Especially with time difference, not enough amazing friends, too much work but too little warmth. Not totally in a negative way, but everyday passes so realizably slowly. As daylight gets shorter, bit by bit, I forget the feeling of being loved that I love, it's a very stupid cycle, but I guess it's difficult to avoid sometimes as that's the challenge of distance. 
Twenty three hours before I leave, feels very different from twenty three hours later. There was once when I saw my home from the plane, at night, and I can imagine that my parents are sleeping at home already, at my perfect home. Bad feeling. Sometimes I forgot how to stay strong. 

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